when the world turns upside down

Haha~ I don't know what is about with my title. Aku hanya menaip mengikut rentak jari ku.. Chey wah.. I just feel like blogging tonight. Even I think I don't have any topic. Even I think there's nothing interesting happens in my life. Well, basically my life is dull for now. I wanna colour my life with all those colours in the world.. Oh, I fell like I wanna play with words tonight. :) but, I am not a good writer..

At times, I will start to think about life. About my life. As how the time has gone. As how those memories is created. As how the life has change. As time goes by. As I grew up. As I face all those problems in life. I think I became more matured. Maybe I am. Maybe in some aspect I am not matured yet. Perhaps, I now can choose the way that I want. I became more confident in myself. Maybe not as confident as the others, but yet I do believe in myself. I admit that I was not believing in myself at some point of my life. Maybe all those experiences makes me stronger in some way.

Actually I hate changes. As my life change, I always hope it will always stay the same. Yes, I hope that there will be not so much changes in life. Those people in my life. I hate it when they are gone. Not really gone. But when the people you see everyday has change. I hate face the new environment. But, that's what life is. Our life change but inside us, we are still the same person. But, we do need to change to be a better person. And, I am trying to be that better person. And I hope I won't disappoint myself, not anymore as I face all the disappointment. Enough will all those disappointments.. I need those happy feelings..

But, the question is, do I have the guts to change? Do I determined enough to change? Do I have the strength? I don't know.. Only time will tell.. Shall I say I will try my best? Because I never know what my best is. Never know what is the best looks like. never know is my best is really the best. And what if I failed again? Failed to fulfill what I myself want? I really don't know..

I am scared of failing again. Thus, I am scared of my future. What will it be? How will it be? Will it turns out to be good? Or will it turns out to be bad? Oh, thinking about that give me butterflies in my stomach. I may sound too advance in my thinking about life. Haha! Maybe I am. Should I let things go how it has to go? I don't know..

I think this post has turn out to be 'don't know' post because of the number of the don't know.. Haha!

I don't really understand what am I trying to tell in this post. I'll excuse you if you don't understand because mind you, I don't too.. I don't know what's my feelings now. I don't know what actually bothers me now. I don't know what makes me feels like this. (see.. I told ya that this post has became the 'don't know' post).. Because I just type as my fingers wish..

I think I better stop now of I will type more nonsense.. So, good nite ppl!

Love,
mizaosan

p.s : thanks blog for be the bestest pal for me to tell whatever I would not dare to kept in myself..