it's all because of the insomnia

I used to be someone that will fight to get what I want but now I think I don't really have the spirit to fight. Well, I always think that I will let things happen. I don't plan my future. Well, not that I doesn't think about my future. I am scared to make plans. I am scared to hope so much because I am afraid of falling, again.

I fall once and that was a wake up call for me. Well, at least I am trying my very best to not letting the same thing happen again. I don't think I can bear the pain for the second time. I am afraid that I will make my family down.

But I still have a dream that I really want to achieve. I think I will try my very best to make it come true even it will take me a lifetime. I am serious you know. I have been praying for it to come true since high school but I made the biggest mistake in my life and I made the same mistake once again during matriculation year. I now can see the path to achieve that dream and I hope I will achieve it.

I've gone trough my first year of degree with satisfaction and I hope I will graduate with satisfaction. I hope I can maintain my result. But I am freaking out now because this semester is tough. Seriously, less subjects but I don't know, it just tough.

And I am being a lazy bum! :( BOOO me for that! I need to get everything back to what it should be. Get myself focus and actually score better result this semester. Better than last semester, Insya' Allah.

I hope that I can do it. I know I can but I need to work hard. Maybe not hard but work smart. I need to be tough. I need to be a better person. I need to do some alteration about myself. I really need to. I need to motivate something. I need to stop dreaming. Instead, I need to do something to make sure my dream come true.

I envy those people that achieved their dream. I always feel like hating them for achieving their dream. But that was me being stupid. I shouldn't think like that. It's bad.

I should stop typing because it don't really helping me with achieving my dream but yeah by typing this post I am giving myself a wake up call again with what I really want.

dream come true, that's my dream.